Fairlawn Baptist Church

Billy Graham is now 90 years old with Parkinson's disease. 

In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte , North Carolina , 
invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in 
his honor. 

Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he 
struggles with Parkinson's disease. But the Charlotte  
leaders said, 'We don't expect a major address.. Just 
come and let us honor you.' So he agreed.. 

After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham 
stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, 
'I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who 
this month has been honored by Time magazine as the 
Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from 
Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the 
aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he 
came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He 
couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. 
It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. 
Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it. 

The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are.  
We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. 
Don't worry about it.' 

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued 
down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to 
move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great 
physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his 
seat for his ticket. 

The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, 
Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are No problem. 
You don't need a ticket.  I'm sure you bought one.' 

Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. 
What I don't know is where I'm going.'' 

Having said that Billy Graham continued, 'See the suit I'm

wearing? It's a brand new suit. My children, and my grandchildren

are telling me I've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be

a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this 
luncheon and one more occasion. 

You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which 
I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want 
you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing. 
I want you to remember this: 

I not only know who I am .. I also know where I'm going.' 
 

In a little East Texas town the Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian churches were located one after the other along a beautifully tree-lined street. Squirrels occupied the attics of all the churches, chewing up the insulation, cutting the wires, and generally making a nuisance of themeselves. Nothing seemed to budge the bushy-tailed rodents, and in exasperation each congregation called a meeting to deal with the menace.

 

The Presbyterians met first but soon adjourned after the Elder pointed out that the squirrel invasion was preordained, and from a theological standpoint there was nothing they could do.

 

Next to meet were the Methodists. A dear old soul pleaded with the congregation to handle the problem in the gentle spirit of john Wesley, so the church bought a bunch of humane traps and turned the squirrels loose at the edge of town. By the morning all the Methodist squirrels were back in their attic.

 

Finally, the Baptists convened their business meeting. In short order the squirrels were voted into the membership of the church and now they come around only on Christmas and Easter.

Good Impression

 

A husband was told by the marriage counselor to try and be nice to his wife. One day as he comes home from work; he's dressed in a suit, he has cologne on, he has a bouquet of flowers and a box of candy in his hand. He's trying to make a good impression. The wife says, "Oh, I can't believe it! Little Johnny has been throwing up; the dishwasher just broke; your parents are coming to visit this weekend and to top it all off you come home drunk!"

West Virginia Ten Commandments

Some people in West Virginia have trouble with all those 'shalls' and 'shall not's' in the Ten commandments. Folks just aren't used to  talking in those terms..  So, some folks in West Virginia got  together and translated the 'King James' into 'County' language..... no joke, read on...

The Hillbilly's Ten Commandments (posted on the wall at First Baptist Church in Summersville , West  Virginia )

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth                
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'  
(5) Honor yer Ma &Pa
(6) No killin'      
(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal  
(8) Don't take what ain't yers  
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'  
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff
Now that's kinda plain an' simple, don't ya think?
 

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all of those who bake for church events.



Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa , but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, & helping her son pack for Scout camp.


When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She thought, 'Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake.'


This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of friends. So , being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.


Alice found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.


Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.


When Amanda arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.


Alice was horrified - she was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.


The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. Alice did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa but, having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.



The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and, to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!


She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, 'What a beautiful cake!'


Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, 'Thank you, I baked it myself.'


Alice smiled and thought to herself,

 

'God is good.'